Pennies/Heaven 4

A couple of days ago, I blogged about a way to think about happiness as distinct from money.

2. Authenticity

There is no real food to buy in the local village shop anymore, and all that’s left has been pushed to the back corner. No meat, no vegetables. Nothing real.

The same has happened to Main Street, there’s nothing real left to buy on Main Street anymore. You have to go to the mall, where the same 20 chains – Gap, WalMart, Williams Sonoma, Calvin Klein – sell the same things that they sell at every mall. Nothing local’s left. Nothing real.

That's a snip from a blog about the "7-11ification" of politics.

Essentially, it's about inauthenticity.

The relationship between authenticity and happiness is deep. We all recognize our happiest moments as those in which we are most fully "being ourselves." What does being ourselves mean. It means living in a situation spontaneously, without prior concerns about needing to present a particular persona to the others in that situation. It means speaking from the center of our own experience, following the thread of the experience without concern for the consequences of others' judgments. It means engaging in conversations focused on the matter at hand rather than becoming preoccupied with the scorecards of winners and losers being kept by other participants. It means allowing the passion, disappointment and curiosity show through; revealing ourselves to others.

If courage is persistence in the face of fear, then authenticity continually requires courage. Why? Because being yourself flies in the face of the pressures to conform to prescribed ways to be. Because those in authority always exert subtle, or not so subtle, pressure on us to affirm their worldview. Because it's so much easier to just sit there, shut up and blend in.

So, what's that got to do with happiness?

Experiencing something authentic invariably stands out as a vivid moment. Here's a test: walk into your local supermarket. Most likely, it's been engineered to general revenue in scores of ways: product placement, traffic management, signage. Now, if you're lucky enough to still be able to find one, walk into a neighborhood market and feel the difference. In one, you are a consumer, in the other, you are a person; in one, you hurry, eager to get out, in the other, you linger, savoring what you see, hear, smell; in one, you are task focused and solitary, in the other, you are exploratory and sociable. One experience is manufactured, the other is organic. One experience is bland and generic, the other is vivid and distinctive. One experience: ennui; the other: happiness.

Now, apply that same thinking to conversations. Think about conversations in most business settings. Then think about conversations with good friends. For me, the parallels with the supermarket and the local market are striking.

And while striving for "perpetual authenticity" might resemble seeking the holy grail, using authenticity as a guidepost, a checkpoint provides another way of living happiness on a moment-to-moment basis.

These moments have no pricetag; just embedding myself in as much authenticity as I can. Whether it's a real conversation, a real shopping trip or a real moment of silence, these "moments of truth" are not about "finding happiness," they are happiness.

Comments

[Freddie Daniells]

Hi: I guess you have read Brad Blanton's books, Radical Honesty and Practicing Radical Honesty. He attacks things in a similar vein to you - that happiness and truth/authenticity are inextricably linked. Well worth a look if you haven't seen them.

F

[Tom Guarriello]

Thanks for stopping by, Freddie. I haven't read Blanton's books, but from the titles and your description of them, I certainly will.

[Freddie Daniells]

Just thought I should add that you will need to be feeling strong on the day you read them. He certainly doesn't mince his words. To be honest I wasn't too sure how much I liked him as a person despite his powerful message. Just thought I should warn you!

[Tom Guarriello]

Mincing words is part of the problem that's gotten us into the current state. There's a place where plainly spoken truth intends to shame, belittle, or humiliate others. We've all experienced being in that place, and putting others in it, and it sucks.

But there's another place where that truth is spoken with an intent to help all of us in a particular situation come to terms with the reality of where we are, in the service of helping get somewhere else. When we put one another in that place, it's very different.

I hope Blanton's living in that second place...but I'll be sure to put on my strength outfit when I read him! Thanks.

Tom