Remember the worst relationship you've ever had?
Hang on, I'll give you a minute...I know it's a tough question. (Jeez, so many memories, so little time!)
I don't just mean the worst romantic relationship, although I know that's what pops to mind for most of us veterans of foreign gender wars. I mean, the worst relationship of any kind. Friendship, sibling, school teacher, sorority sister, Army buddy...anything.
What makes it "the worst?"
Here's my guess: Imbalance.
Imbalance?
Yup, imbalance.
This is what I mean. "Bad," "wow...bad," and "supersizemecollossally bad" (TM) relationships are all about people being really out of whack on some important dimension. You know: "Oh my god, she's so beautiful and I'm so...," or, "He is so cool and I'm so...," or, "The VP of Marketing just smiled at me," or, "Oh, man, is that Scoble over there?" (sorry, Robert).
So, the relationship slowly starts gravitating around the less powerful party placating the more powerful one so that the more powerful one does not dump you (um, them). It starts small, then grows as the participants recognize the relationship's dynamic tension vectors (yes, vectors, damn it, this is complex stuff), until it finally blossoms into a full-blown case of "Deep Neediness." At that point, all hope is lost. Desperation and despair prevail.
"If only he'd call..."
And this is the situation in which most marketers find themselves. I imagine that they imagine (OK, it's a little complex, but you can follow along, I'm sure) themselves as a voice in the wilderness, a small cry in this vast, media saturated wilderness...desperate...damned desperate I tell you!...to find ways to capture the attention of this beautiful, cool, VP, Scoblesque "consumer" out there. So, they try anything, anything they can think of to get their attention. Dancing bears, blinking links, talking sock puppets...anything, any!-damn!!-thing!!! they can imagine to get you to (please listen!) pay attention to me, (um, them)...please!!, if you don't mind (please).
OK, so what about the best relationship you've ever had? What was that like?
Different, wasn't it?
How?
Balanced. Intimate. Fun. Rewarding. Mutually gratifying (there's an interesting concept!). Interesting. Surprising. Playful. Exciting. Comfortable. Easygoing. Challenging. Spontaneous.
(Post your adjective(s) here: ____________.)
What a difference.
OK. So, if markets are relationships, the question we have to ask is, "Can business relationships be something other than imbalanced, one-way, power-based, and pathetically needy? Can they be some or all of that stuff we talked about a couple of lines ago?" And, by the way, can the conversations that take place in those relationships please sound like something other than a freakin' Ovaltine commercial? Please?
Of course they can. That's what people want. Shit, they'll even pay extra to get it.
Come on. It's 2005 for cryin' out loud. Get off the pipe. Jettison those "needy love" relationships.
No matter which side of the transaction you're on, isn't it time you started looking for someone who'll love you for who you are?
Stop being so pathetic!!
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